Category Archives: The President

Hence: Pence

With the President’s popularity plummeting, the GOP agenda on life support, Team Trump has quietly circulated talking points for an “Urgent Pre-Planning Action Strategy” that would facilitate transfer of authority to VP Mike Pence.

No formal documents exist as yet, but Bratbreit has learned that advisers and staff closest to the President — informally known as the “Trump Whisperers” — have prepared notes to construct an acceptable scenario to present to the public in the event that the President leaves office prior to the end of his 4-year term. Notes address the following concerns:

  • Early departure must be framed as the President’s initiative for personal reasons (to be developed), not as a result of outside political pressure.
  • Timing is crucial. Transfer is a last resort, to deploy only under circumstances where threats to the GOP agenda (specifically Budget, repeal of the Affordable Care Act, and national security initiatives) became overwhelmingly probable, and where the President’s role detracts from rather than enhances chances of achievement.
  • An agreed-upon roster of advisers and staff impacted by a transfer must be developed and accepted by all parties involved, mandating those who remain and those who depart.
  • Media will be addressed by one agreed-upon source, to whom all questions are directed, and whose authority to represent The White House will be firmly established. It is unlikely that any current spokespersons will assume this role.
  • Throughout the transfer, the President’s Twitter account will be taken off line.

Fay Canoes, Managing Editor of The Bratbreit Group, emphasizes that no firm plan currently exists, and that items reported here are restatements of hand-written notes shared with her by White House sources.

 

 

Salesman Of The Year, Part 2

A memo that started as a lighthearted attempt at humor at the White House has reportedly infuriated the President, perhaps inspiring Saturday’s wiretapping tweets.

The unsigned memo, entitled “Salesman of the Year,” noted that every time President Donald Trump tweets or announces his displeasure with the media, subscriptions at the New York Times, Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, etc., experience an upward spike. A link was provided to a Fortune Magazine news article providing data.

The memo suggested that the President receive recognition by the industry as “Salesman Of the Year,” and honored at the upcoming White House Correspondents’ Dinner in April. (President Trump has already made public his disdain for both the event and its participants, and will not attend.) White House aide Brent Ashburn confirmed that the memo had circulated the office the week before the President dashed off his Saturday tweets concerning former President Obama’s alleged Trump Towers wiretapping.

Speaking confidentially to the Bratbreit Group, several White House aides confirm that the memo, never out of draft form, found its way to the President’s desk, where it was evidently taken seriously, resulting in what one witness terms a “full-blown, red-faced, paper-throwing tantrum.” It was unclear, even after 15 minutes and reassurances from all parties that the memo was in jest, that the President was either convinced or even moderately mollified.

“There is nothing lacking in the President’s sense of humor,” Ashburn assured us. “And he knows — usually — the difference between real and fake news. This just caught him at a bad moment.”

Russian Around Inauguration Day

On the day of the Inauguration, the Trump transition team denies rumors that “hundreds of Russian officials,” bussed in to Washington area hotels overnight, will surreptitiously attend the ceremony and private receptions  as guests of honor.

“This is classic fake news,” declared Sean Spicer, Trump’s choice for press secretary. “No invitations were issued, no special meetings or ceremonies are scheduled, and we have no contact with or direct knowledge of Russian officials attending.”

While separate reports from journalists, hotel personnel, and private citizens suggest otherwise, precisely this kind of fake news story has gone viral and gained international attention numerous times during the run-up to the election. One report, not exposed as a fraud until months after its debut, famously reported tour busses that allegedly brought hundreds to protesters and disrupters to a Trump rally in Austin, TX.

“The fact that people are willing — make that eager — to embrace such nonsense speaks volumes about the level of delusion and desperation in the Democrat camp,” Spicer said. Pressed about similar stories aimed at Democrats, Spicer resisted drawing conclusion, pointing out that “I wasn’t involved with the campaign back then.”

Natasha Fatale at the Russian embassy in Washington noted that Russian visitors to the Capital were commonplace year-round. “And of course we Russians, like people everywhere, are fascinated by and interested in the new American President. We expect wonderful new things from his administration, and are looking forward to a brand new era in international affairs.”

 

Win Win

Lost in the frenzied fake news reports launched against the President-elect and shrill denouncements of Russian interference in the election is any realistic review of the beneficial impact of both on American voters.

Trump & Putin

The transition team’s Brent Ashburn,  in an exclusive interview with Bratbreit, encouraged “putting this [Russian interference] in historical and international perspective” which recognizes (1) that the US has conducted similar manipulations of other nations’ elective processes “dozens of times” in the 20th century alone, particularly in South and Central America, and (2) such management isn’t necessarily hostile as it is beneficial to the greater world community.

“One reason President-elect Trump hesitated to acknowledge Russian involvement is he didn’t want to belabor the obvious, that both Russian leadership  and the American public agreed that Hilary Clinton’s presidency would nurture a more hostile and dangerous environment between the two nations, which benefits neither,” Ashburn explained.

So in a genuine sense, Russia did us all a favor?

“You could say that, although the election results, where Mr. Trump won 3,141 counties to Clinton’s 57, suggest that the American people had vehemently determined for themselves their preference for world leadership .”

So as far as the Trump team is concerned, it’s a non-issue?

“Exactly. The people have spoken, and we move ahead. We have a world to manage, here, and if Democrats and liberals can’t trust the American and Russian governments, find somewhere else to set up camp. Maybe South America?”

Yes They Need Some Education

In their abrupt reversal over gutting the Office of Congressional Ethics, House Republicans reveal themselves either as rudderless invertebrates lacking in commitment and principle, or educable (if excitable) soldiers submissive to authority.

reverse-courseBut in two confidential conversations with transition team members, Bratbreit concludes that members of the House, led by Judiciary Chairman Bob Goodlatte of Virginia, were swayed by the direct intervention by President-elect Trump’s advisors who called committee members and essentially ordered them to stand down. Speaking on conditions of anonymity, two transition team members confirmed independently that the President-elect was displeased not only by the distraction the resolution had created, but the audacity of House Republicans to act on an initiative without clearing it through his office.

Paraphrasing: “Mr. Trump made it clear that in light of the overwhelming mandate his elevation to the presidency signals, he, not the Congress, will determine the nation’s agenda, including the timing of initiatives, and priority of actions. Established policies and procedures prior to his election are no longer automatically operative.”

Evidently the august members of the House, understandably eager to get started on Making America Great Again, have learned a lesson in protocol. Going forward, they will obey, as will the American people who selected their leader in November.

Death By Slice

Emails from John Podesta’s hacked account reveal he and aides were fully aware of “Pizzagate” rumors in the summer of 2016, and sought to exploit them on Reddit and YouTube for their own political gain. But it backfired badly.

4chan-termsThe pizzagate scandal has worked its way into the nation’s historical lore, cited alternately as a demonstration of diligent investigative journalism, evidence of demented power abuse by protected elites, and so-called “fake news” run wild.

A recently released trove of Clinton Campaign Manager John Podesta’s emails contains an exchange with an aide provisionally identified as Susan Sandler, addressing the conspiracy theory, at first incredulously. Excerpt:

S:  Something about a pizza-stained handkerchief with some kind of map. How this relates to anything about child porn or smuggling is perverse. Who makes this up and why? [3.11.15]

But as time passed and details were shared on social media linking code words and symbols, and suspicious photos emerged showing strange activities at the Comet Ping Pong pizzeria, campaign leadership spotted an opportunity.

 P: Let if play out. It’s even more far-fetched than birther and that JH [Jade Helm] bullshit. It might even turn off Republicans who aren’t complete imbeciles, and drive them to HRC. [12.4.15]

Clearly Podesta miscalculated (again), as not only did the scandalous account grow in scope and detail, voters cited it as proof of mainstream media bias toward Clinton and the Democrats for at best ignoring it, and at worst discrediting it out of hand. But the Clinton campaign proved as utterly tone-deaf to this development as they did the electorate

S:  This would be laughable if it didn’t reveal the depths of stupidty [sic] and depravity             that the Rs and alt-right have sunk to.  [2.15.16]

P: It’s so dumb it drools. Just ignore it and let them sink themselves. [2.16.16]

The entire episode indicates that the Clinton leadership team never came to grips with the true nature of their political opposition, and richly deserved the outcome they earned.

[Photo credit: 4Chan]

 

Welcome Mats, No Litter Pans

A memo from the President-elect stipulates that cats will not be welcome at the White House, neither as residents nor visitors, so long as he and his family are occupants. The memo describes cats as “untrustworthy, unclean, and smelly,” and likens them to Democrats.

cats_prohibited_yard_sign-rdb4bf4943b62478c9827ac9aebe8cac1_fomuw_8byvr_324

The occasion for the memo appears to be the President-elect’s ongoing preparation to split time among his various residences, and ensuring his level of comfort and security at each. Despite rumors to the contrary, Trump does not own a pet, and Bratbreit has no information about acquiring one when he takes office. Every president dating back over a century has acquired and/or brought pets with them when moving to the White House, including Benjamin Harrison, who kept possums.

Page Ferbal, the transition team member who shared the memo with Bratbreit, is unaware that any member of Trump’s family is allergic to cats. “Mr. Trump just doesn’t like them, plain and simple,” she said. “He gets uncomfortable when they’re around, and has been known to leave rooms, even entire buildings, if there’s a cat present. He’s very meticulous in his personal habits, and has complained about the way cats shed and smell.”

Asked about the reference to Democrats, Ms. Ferbal smiled. “He did write that, but with the president-elect sometimes it’s difficult to tell whether he’s entirely serious,” she reported. “You know, like when he suggested the Russians hack Secretary Clinton’s email and NRA members assassinate her.”

Salesman Of The Year

Among the many firsts for which the President-elect may be credited: Deploying Twitter to declare war. Not against a foreign nation, but the mainstream media, which he has described at various times as “outrageous,” “dishonest,” “sleazy and among the worst people I’ve ever met,” “scum,” “slime,” and “disgusting.” And they “spread fake news.”

salesman-of-the-yearLegions of his followers on social media gleefully retweet and repost his rants, chiming in with their heartfelt approval. Singling out bastions of establishment journalism such as The New York Times, Washington Post, CBS, NPR, etc., they not only applaud their candidate’s sharp language, but express solidarity with his suggestions that change is needed, perhaps by limiting their access, adjusting libel laws, and taking a hard look at the First Amendment.

The President-elect’s transition team has taken notice, and in a series of memos provided suggestions to capitalize on popular sentiment, in what one adviser termed “defanging the MSM.” In a confidential telephone conversation, Bratbreit has learned that once in office, the President will take action to create barriers between his administration and MSM representatives, creating havoc as they scramble for news, ultimately battering their revenue streams. “Nothing illegal, of course,” our source insisted. “Just hardball capitalism.”

While this would appear to bode badly for MSM, since the election subscriptions (and in the case of ProPublica and NPR, donations) have soared. In an ironic twist, The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, and Los Angeles Times report big jumps in subscribers, as do magazines such as The Atlantic and Vanity Fair. One editor speculated that an unintended consequence of Trump’s overt hostility to the press will herald in a new golden age of journalism.

Sounds like a stretch, but recall the way sales in firearms soared during the Obama administration, as Second Amendment supporters reacted to reports that new restrictions and confiscations were imminent. One source reports sales of 100 million guns in seven years of office, earning making Barrack Obama the title “Salesman of the Year.”

Perhaps this title will be handed over to Donald Trump, along with the keys to the White House, when new MSM revenue is calculated.

Build The Wall!

President-elect Trump’s very first campaign promise remains foremost in the hopes and dreams of the voters who elected him. “I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me, and I’ll build them very inexpensively,” Trump proclaimed on June 16, 2015, to announce his candidacy. “I will build a great, great wall on our southern border. And I will have Mexico pay for that wall.”

mexican_border

The vow was loudly mocked by his opponents as well as by media pundits, a pattern continued right through Election Day and still echoing. But Trump has not backed off his claim, and a confidential document  has surfaced outlining his strategy for both implementing the project and presenting it to the public. Bratbreit has authenticated the document, its findings summarized here.

First of all, while there will be additional construction to erect a wall similar to the one that now divides Jacumba, CA from Jacume, Mexico, the Wall will also include fencing and “natural formations,” such as water or mountains. The Wall will also be defined by electronic monitors, drones, and beefed-up border security personnel. The document goes to great lengths to recast the term “Wall” as “a series of protective measures” rather than only a physical construct, and  recommends using upper-case W in all written references.

Secondly, the document suggests that when discussing how “Mexico will pay for the Wall,” spokespersons should downplay the notion that the Mexican government would literally write checks to contractors for the cost of construction– this was never the intention — but that “costs associated with the criminal activities and  diseases Mexican immigrants unleash on American soil” would be curtailed, holding Mexico responsible. Similarly, the cost of education, housing, welfare, and jobs lost to illegal immigrants would be relieved, forcing Mexico to provide for its own citizens.

Finally, the document urges that these strategies be implemented early in the administration, when good will is abundant, as there will inevitably be detractors disappointed that Trump’s promise to build a “great, great Wall” will not result in the physical structure they anticipated, resulting in potential dissidence, disillusion, alienation, and accusations of fraud. There will be abundant opportunity for that soon enough.

photo credit: National Geographic

 

Executive Order #1

While the Trump transition team lurches wildly from candidate to candidate in its search to fill top advisory and cabinet positions, there has been no ambiguity regarding the new President’s very first executive order.

guns“The very first Executive Order President Trump will sign directs the Department of Alcohol Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF) to take immediate steps to return all weapons confiscated by the government during the Obama regime,” Brent Ashburn, a spokesman for the campaign stated. “The ‘Confiscated Weapons Restoration Order’ has already been written, dated January 20th, 2017.”

Bratbreit has learned in a confidential interview that to ensure the endorsement of the National Rifle Association (NRA) and its millions-strong membership, President-elect Trump agreed ast May to make this restoration of American citizens’ private property a priority. “The unprecedented and illegal confiscation of weapons as authorized by President Obama will be reversed as promptly as we can manage,” Ashburn promised. “There has been a terrible breach of justice that must be remedied.”

Pressed for details, Ashburn indicated that ATF officials would be ordered to create a comprehensive database of confiscated weapons in its possession, cross-referenced to owners’ identification, including names, social security numbers, emails, cell phone records, credit references, etc. “to preserve the integrity of the process.” When weapons and their owners are properly matched, ATF will “personally deliver, at government expense, all confiscated property as timely as possible.”

In addition, citizens whose weapons have been confiscated will be able to log into a web site established by ATF, monitored by Homeland Security to prevent hackers, to register for weapons restoration, track progress of the process, and report any irregularities. “We regard this as empowering the very citizens whose rights have been sorely violated over the last eight years,” Ashburn added, grimly. “And to send a signal to law-abiding sportsmen and citizens there’s a whole new management team that’s got their back. for a change.”